Mirrors- A Slam Poem by I

It’s I that’s broken
Not the mirror
If it was
I wouldn’t hate myself so
But when I sit and delve in to the tunnels of my soul
I find that piece of rubbish that is my self esteem
All it needs is a polish to make it gleam
No.
It needs more than that,
It needs
Something or someone
To morph it back
To it’s original monotonous shape
Climbing out of the tunnels
My self esteem dissolves yet again
Too many mirrors
Too many cracks
I can see everything
Everything that is wrong with the casing
My heart
My heart is as full as I am after a fillet steak
My self esteem continues to shatter
And crack until the end of the time
And I am afraid
Afraid that it will never be able to reshape itself
It will be forever
Broken
How broken is broken?
I’m all smiles but inside
Inside I am pale faced and tired
Tired of feeling unhappy
Unhappiness is an enemy, one that you never want to face
Want to know why?
You should never face unhappiness because when you do, you become unhappiness and nothing else
This is the first time words don’t hurt
Words don’t hurt because you already hate yourself enough that any words with negative connotations pass you by
Or are merely accepted in the trainwreck that is your mind
Your mind has so many openings yet so many closed doors
What’s behind those doors
Is it the key to stitching your self esteem?
That’s the problem
It’s too deep
No easy access to the thing that gets you through the day
How can you step out in to the daylight if you’re surrounded by darkness?
Mirrors are everywhere, my reflection is everywhere, I need to get that lipstick off of my teeth but I can’t bare to look
I’m as scared as a child watching their first horror film from behind a pillow
Scared of what I will see
Me
The putred me

One Day Book Review

Last year, my friend recommended I watch the film One Day. I took her up on that suggestion and watched it. The film and the book because they are both very similar as the scriptwriter is actually the author of the book. Don't let that put you off though because I adore the film as much as I adore the book.

One Day surrounds two university students, Emma Morley and Dexter Mayhew. It begins on the day of their graduation, the night they officially meet. In both the book and the film, it follows their lives the same date every year to see what has happened and is currently happening. 

I absolutely adore the concept of this story and I adore the characters. Emma is a very easy character to relate to. She is geeky, shy and level headed.

Dexter on the other hand is her polar opposite, he's a bit of a tearaway, has no ambition, constantly trying to pick up girls. He's your typical jack the lad.

Emma and Dexter complete each other, quite like Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. Emma needs that bit of life and soul of the party element that Dexter brings and Dexter needs the grounding that Emma brings. 

The book has a tiny bit of extra detail than the film but other than that, the film does a great job. The cast is perfect. Anne Hathaway and Jim Sturgess build an excellent rapport and really connect with shines through in the film.

Bringing us back to the book. Every word has you hanging on and not wanting to let go. David Nicholls writes so poetically and there are many quotes which you will want to take away with you from this. One that I love that won't spoil things for you is 'Whatever happens tomorrow, we have today, I'll always remember it'.

This book is funny, thrilling, satisfying and emotional. I recommend you all watch the film and read the book. I am sure you will enjoy it as much as I did.

Coco Mademoiselle Review

Before I purchased this perfume for the first time, I had heard so many great things about it on the youtube community. I put off buying the perfume for a while because it was Chanel, I am no stranger to high end perfumes but I had never bought a Chanel perfume before. 

I kept trying it in stores and I still wasn't sure if I should buy it or not and then finally the day came when I bought it, on my college break as a lot of the time, that is when I buy them. 

This perfume is fronted by Keira Knightley whom I spotted on my travels to New York. From the advert, it seems that the perfume is supposed to make the woman who wears it feel whimsical and elegant and make the man feel attracted to the woman or immediately follow her scent. 

In my opinion, I feel that this perfume does make you feel whimsical and elegant and makes you think of flowing dresses and diamonds. This perfume is very beautiful, as I still smell it on the back of my hand now as I just repurchased it today at Harrods in London. 

The notes in this perfume are as follows: 

Top: Orange, Mandarin Orange, Orange Blossom, Bergamot

Middle: Mimose, Jasmine, Turkish Rose, Ylang-Ylang

Base: Tonka Bean, Patchouli, Opoponax, Vanilla, Vetiver, White Musk

If you want to add that special touch to your outfit then this is the perfume for you, it will enhance your look and just generally give you more confidence. As reiterated in the notes, when you first spray this perfume, it definitely smells fresh and citric. However, along the journey of the mellowing of this fragrance, the perfume softens to a lovely Rose and Jasmine scent and finally at the destination of the dry down, the white musk and patchouli stand out the most. 

You can't go wrong with Chanel, I also wore this perfume when I met my idol Benedict Cumberbatch. So, go out and smell this for yourself and decide what you want to do but remember, this perfume screams beauty and elegance

That Time I Met Benedict Cumberbatch

I was so so happy to find out that Benedict Cumberbatch, my idol, would be coming to the north. I got my dad to book tickets straight away. Not long after that, there was a problem and that he would not be going. I was so upset, I felt like crying. 

One Friday, as I was coming back from college, I was sat in the back of a taxi on my phone and saw a tweet confirming that Benedict would be there, my whole face lit up and I just wanted to jump up and down. I got home, paid the driver and then ran inside the house, scaring my mum and started screaming 'BENEDICT WILL BE AT THE CONVENTION'. 

When the day finally arrived, the 2nd of February, I and my dad got up at 5:30 AM to get ready to drive to Birmingham which is only an hour away from me, however, we wanted to make sure we were there. So, we both got ready and headed out the door and made our way there, I couldn't believe that this was actually happening to me. 

We got there and I and my dad have never been to a convention before but because I am a part of the Fandom world, I knew what to expect, and so did my dad really because well, it's common knowledge that cosplayers are at conventions. 

I saw soo many great cosplayer's, two people even cosplayed Sherlock and John at the wedding, that had to be my favourite one. I saw so many great T Shirts and Sherlock stuff. 

We all signed in and got our things that came with the tickets. 

Now came the queueing, the queues were very, very long. We were all in a giant room, and then Internet life became real life as people just randomly started talking to me, I was used to this and just found it great but I think my dad was confused as to why people I didn't know started talking to us. This lovely girl started talking the Fandom language and I knew exactly what she was talking about, I wish the same could be said for my dad who whispered in my ear 'what is she talking about?'. 

As I was stood around with my dad near the lifts, the lift doors open and Jonathan Aris walks out, the man who plays Anderson walks out. My eyes lit up and he looked directly at me, except he seemed to not want to be noticed and I didn't want to point him out anyway so he would get mobbed. I sort of whispered excitedly to my dad who it was and because at the time he had never watched an episode of Sherlock (he has now), he didn't know who I meant. This happened about five times and on the fifth time, another girl's eyes lit up and she smiled at him and I recall her saying 'you lower the IQ of the entire street'.

Now, came the exciting time of different numbers of tickets being called up to queue up to meet the man himself, Benedict Cumberbatch. 

2 hours later, I and my dad were in the queue for the photo with The Batch, I told my dad to go before me so he wouldn't watch me. We got in to the room and there he was, at the very bottom of the room. I had never been so elated in my life. I started slapping my dad's arm saying 'oh my god he's here, he's here'. 

My dad went before me and I just watched in awe as my dad had a photo with Benedict. Next, came my turn, Benedict smiled at me, put his arm around me and asked me 'Are you okay?' and I sort of forced myself to say 'yeah'. I didn't know where to put my hand as there was a sign outside that said 'any groping will lead to police involvement' so I just went for round his waist, which felt nice but muscular. The flash went off and I started to walk away and he put his arm around me and whilst smiling and half laughing, looking at me with those lovely oceanic eyes, said 'Have a lovely day alright'. I then embarrassingly did some sort of weird curtsy and said 'Thank You'. 

Now, as I had an exam in the morning, I decided to go home and not stay for the autographs, I still to this day do not know why I didn't stay. Anyway, so then what just happened seemed to catch up with me and my eyes started to tear up. I walked out of the room, eyes wide, my hand covering my mouth, and saying 'Oh my god' to myself. 

Everyone was just looking at me on my way out, some saying 'aww bless her'. This girl then came up to me and said 'Have you just met Ben' and I nodded and she said 'I can tell because everyone who has looks just like you, they said they could see the universe in his eyes'. 

I got out of the building and started jumping to the car. When my dad went to go and find where to pay for the parking ticket, I rang up one of my best friends and sort of said garble to her like this 'ahdhbhbhv I shfhhf just shrhrhfhhf met shdhrhrh him'. She couldn't understand and asked me to repeat myself and so I screamed 'I JUST MET BENEDICT' and she started saying how happy she was for me. 

Then my dad came back to the car and I rang my mum and at this point, I had lost all ability to form sentences or even words. I tried to but to no avail, so I handed the phone to my dad who said 'Courtenay can't speak right now'. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

So, that is the story of the day I met my idol. To this day, I still can't believe it happened. Also, I have never seen so many people redoing their make up and touching up their hair. Before I leave this now, here is the picture of I and Benedict. 

P.S- At prom last year, we got a bracelet that you make a wish on and when it comes true, your bracelet will snap, I never took mine off, not even for shower's and it snapped a day before I met Benedict

Perfume Review: La Petite Robe Noire Eau De Parfum

First of all, wow, when I first purchased this perfume, I was blown away. This perfume is very unique, nothing like I have ever smelt before.

Before I get started in to the story of when I purchased this perfume, I shall share with you the notes of this perfume.

TOP NOTES: Bergamot, Almond, Sour Cherry, Red Berries

MIDDLE NOTES: Rose, Tea, Taif Rose, Licorice

BASE NOTES: Anise, Tonka Bean, Vanilla, Patchouli, Iris

I first purchased this perfume last year, round about the time of my GCSE Exams. I remember on one Saturday, I went in to Boots and I smelt this and instantly fell in love with it. Since last year, I have had this image in my head of the woman I want to be, the very glamorous and elegant woman. I want to be that woman who can turn heads when she walks in to a room. That woman would also be a city girl. I still want to be that woman. This perfume makes me feel like that woman. 

That day in boots, I did not purchase this perfume, however I remembered it. 

Not long after that Saturday, I persuaded my Father to purchase it for me. I took it home and sprayed it on and suddenly I panicked because I realised in that moment, that the perfume I had fallen in love with turned out to be the Eau De Toilette not the Eau De Parfum which my Father had just bought for me.

Do not be alarmed by this story so far because this perfume is still exquisite. I decided I would still use it because I still was very fond of the fragrance. I sprayed it in school and everyone on the corridor could smell it and all my friends said it was really strong. I still don't know why I listened to their complaints but I gave the perfume away after that. I did not even smell that perfume again up until this year. 

This year, I have the most perfumes I have ever collected. The day I am writing this, as I counted them last night, my collection stands at 93 Perfumes. That is quite a lot for a 16 year old to have. My Mother seems to think I have a genuine disorder, however, I love my perfumes. I am known for perfume amongst my friends. If somebody comes up to us or is near us and says 'something smells nice', they all point at me. 

Around February, I strolled in to House Of Fraser and went to purchase this perfume again after watching many perfume collection videos and reading many reviews on this fragrance. I walked up to the Guerlain counter and saw that there was a new version, that had replaced the sour cherry note with raspberry so it wasn't as powerful. I was sold so I paid for my purchase and happily went home. 

After using up my small bottle of this new 'couture' version of the fragrance, I realised that the raspberry note in it, actually made it too sickly for me so I decided that I would get the original again soon. 

So, last week, I went on to http://www.allbeauty.com/ and made my purchase of Guerlain's La Petite Robe Noire 100 ML Eau De Parfum.

I am wearing this fragrance as I type. This perfume is absolutely incredible. When you first spray it, you can definitely pick up that sour cherry and Anise note. Throughout the dry down, the scent mellows to a lovely sweet cherry rose scent which can be detected by everyone. If you're that type of girl that loves to feel glamorous and sexy, then this is the scent for you. I can assure you that you will not regret it.

Happy Sniffing :)

Female Etiquette

As you may have noticed, I am a female. Now, in my years of living as a female, which is all my life, I have come to notice that Women are injected shall we say with this preconception of our gender subjective etiquette. 

Women are generally told that they have to sit with their back straight and legs firmly squeezed together, even whilst wearing trousers, where as the male species can display their legs in whatever direction or position they so desire. Females are frowned upon if they were to do the same as the male.

The term we are told is to act 'lady like'. I don't know about you but I have never really thought that the definition of being a female is we have to act in a certain way and do not do all these things which we have a list for but men can do them as well. Before I go any further, I am in no ways a dedicated feminist but I do have some problems with the way Women are treated and dictated in their behaviour choices. 

There is obviously such a thing as social etiquette, which is standard for a human, for example, to treat everyone with respect and not to just hurl abuse at every stranger that crosses your path, however, the female etiquette is taking things a bit too far for my liking and perhaps some of you ladies out there agree. 

Males and Females are indeed two different species but they are also still part of the human species, therefore for each gender to have it's own etiquette other than the standard one is simply illogical and unfair.

So, do you disagree with my opinion completely or do you feel the same ?

My Reichenbach Fall Theory

So, for all of you who have seen The Reichenbach Fall will know what I am going to talk about. The dreaded fall from the roof that turned so many of us in to a puddle of feels. This is just going to be things I have spotted and theorised about the episode.

First things first, music. I believe that music plays a big part in the episode because when Moriarty comes to visit 221B Baker Street, he talks about Bach not being able to cope with an unfinished melody which Sherlock replies with 'Neither can you, that's why you've come'. The psychological game not only is a game but a piece of music, a melody. As we all know, Sherlock plays the violin. Another musical reference is during the showdown between Moriarty and Sherlock when Moriarty spots Sherlock tapping his fingers as Moriarty does. Sherlock proceeds to say 'beats like digits' and beats are found in music.

A few things were spotted in Kitty Riley's house such as the lettering on the wall that reads 'Make Believe' which refers to the theme of fairytales and stories which is featured greatly in this episode. Also during the time spent at Kitty Riley's house, when Sherlock is speaking to Kitty about who spoke to her on the phone, he says 'Never trust the voice at the end of the telephone' which I believe is a reference to on the roof when Sherlock tells John he is a fake over the telephone. With regards to all this, a few people have spotted a part in Sherlock's goodbye speech or his suicide note that he says 'it's just a trick, just a magic trick' which is supposed to be about the whole persona of his genius but others have read between the lines for it to mean him committing suicide to be a magic trick.

Now to my theory on how he may have done it is, at first I thought about the conveniently placed garbage truck which may have something to do with it but it may not. I believe that where Sherlock makes John stand has something to do with it which is a well known theory because with this, the people Sherlock Holmes has hired to help him can set up the relevant things prepared for his 'suicide'. Also, previously before that, he asks molly if she could help him by saying 'I'm not everything you think I am, everything I think I am, would you still be willing to help me?' to which she replied with 'what do you need?' and Sherlock said 'you'. So, Molly may or may not have helped Sherlock commit suicide but he made sure she thought he was a fake by telling her he wasn't everything she thought he was and also by telling John to tell anyone who will listen to him including Molly that he was a fake. 

When Sherlock jumped, on John's way to Sherlock, he was knocked over by a cyclist which I believe Sherlock had set up to disorientate John. Another part of my theory is Mycroft, I believe that Mycroft did not dish the dirt on Sherlock as a weakness, I believe he and Sherlock had this planned for a while. Mycroft had to pretend to John that he had done it accidentally. During the conversation between John and Mycroft, Mycroft says 'people like him, we watch them' so they have been watching Moriarty for a while now. 

Regarding Kitty Riley, I think she may also have something to do with it as originally she wanted to be on his side. In the end she said to him 'you repel me'. I think he may have gotten her on side in the end. 

The IOU thing is a mystery to me because I believe that IOU stands for something but I'm not quite sure what. Moriarty carved IOU in to the apple, he also repeats it often. It is also written on the wall behind Sherlock and John before they become fugitives. In The Great Game Sherlock says 'The Art Of Disguise is knowing how to hide in plain sight' so how he did it must be right in front of our eyes. Moriarty says 'IOU a fall Sherlock, IOU' so I believe that Sherlock didn't actually jump off the roof, it was either Moriarty or somebody else. Moriarty and Sherlock knew each other for a while so maybe Moriarty does owe him something. Moriarty also gives himself the name Richard Brook which translates as Reichenbach which is the case that made Sherlock's name but what was that case, that's my question?

Also, in this episode it appears Sherlock is quite angry and in shock at times and panic but I think that it's a facade for the people watching him such as the hitmen. Also, Sherlock is most likely the person responsible for John believing that Mrs.Hudson has been shot to get him away. Sherlock says 'Alone is what I have, alone protects me' and John replies with 'nope, friends protect people' which John doesn't realise is what he is doing or at least trying to do. 

This is all my brain can manage for now but it isn't long to wait till we find out how he did it on New Years Day at 9:00 on BBC One. I cannot wait.